The Confidence I Lost (And How I'm Getting It Back)

A very short newsletter from a very hot attic in Germany

It's 39 degrees.

And no, I'm not back in Dubai yet. I'm writing from my childhood room under the roof in Germany, melting but wanting to share something that's been on my mind.

Being out of my routine here means making a lot more decisions.

• Nap or no nap for my toddler?

• Meeting friends or staying in?

• Going to that 90s festival or not?

And with every decision, there's this voice in my head. The one that never seems to be happy with my choices. The one that always finds something to criticize and turns even small decisions into drama.

It's annoying.

Last week I had tickets to a 90s festival with friends. I felt exhausted and decided not to go. Then FOMO hit. You should go. What will your friends think. How old are you?

I changed my mind, went anyway (arrived late, left early), and had a great time. But the struggle to make that decision? Annoying.

That little voice is constantly there:

• Submitting an article to the New York Times yesterday: "They'll never publish me anyway."

• Starting work on my finances: "You'll never stick with this habit."

• Missing my deadline to publish the Real Talk interview last Saturday: "Why didn't you start earlier? Why can't you make it work? You should have taken the time."

• Every small decision: Doubt, second-guessing, that negative inner voice.

So today I thought: I really want to change this voice.

With the missed deadline of the Real Talk, I decided that it's okay. It will be published this week. And it will be amazing. And that's perfectly fine.

And maybe I can do this with a lot more situations. (Once the heat is over… )

What I Realized

I read a magazine article about intuition and self-confidence this week.

The main point? We need to choose a more positive inner voice.

Personally, I'm terrible at this.

At 42, I'm recognizing that I've lost confidence since stepping back from full-time work. Maybe I was always this self-critical and just better at hiding it when I had external validation from meetings and titles and paychecks.

Now without that structure the voice gets louder.

Being away from my routines (and even more, my son's routines) makes it so much harder to get things done. I have so many plans.

So I decided: instead of talking badly to myself that “I don't even get my newsletter done”, I'm taking it easy and taking a break.

That doesn't mean there will be nothing published. It just means I'll celebrate myself when I do instead of putting myself down when I don't.

Reframing feels like the right thing to do.

Case in point: I sent an article to the Modern Love column of the New York Times this week. Super excited! Will I get picked? I don't know. But you know what? While I don't think the article is perfect, I enjoyed the process. And I can always publish it here. :)

The Simple Practice

The article suggested:

• Journal about good decisions you made based on intuition

• Imagine negative thoughts as little hairy monsters and put them in the basement (yes, it sounds weird, but why not?)

• Celebrate the choices that worked out

I'd add (because that’s what I need): I want to start small.

Noticing when I make a quick decision that feels right - like leaving that festival early because I was tired, or sending that article even when my voice says "why bother?"

Writing down the moments when I trust myself. Building evidence that my instincts actually work.

Why This Matters

I want my son to stay as he is now - confident enough to wear his trousers as a hat just because he likes it, brave enough to say he wants to go home when others are staying.

But it's not just about him. It's about me and all the other moms with ambition out there.

Because even when our roads get bumpy - when we're between jobs, questioning our choices, or feeling like we've lost our professional identity - we still have so much impact to make.

We just need the confidence to trust ourselves again.

Self-confidence isn't just about feeling good. It's about trusting ourselves enough to make decisions, take risks, submit that article, start that business, and live more fully.

Your Turn

• What does your inner voice sound like?

• Are you celebrating the good decisions you make based on intuition?

• And when was the last time you wore your metaphorical trousers as a hat just because you wanted to?

Stay confident and out of the box,

Constanze

P.S. - Written from a very hot attic because sometimes we do things even when conditions aren't perfect. Maybe that's confidence too.